Two Understands Company, Three Exhorts the Crowd

The first post I made here dealt with an odd quirk of human nature. I'd like to talk to you about another one. This is a very important subject, very close to my heart: the number two.

You see, my very favorite number is zero. Zero is great: anything you do to it or with it, it remains nothing but zero. Add zero? No change. Subtract zero? Nothing. Multiply by zero? Very neat, very clean, a perfect zero. Divide by zero? Well, that makes you God.

My third-favorite number, fittingly, is the number three. More on this later in the post. But my second-favorite number, also very appropriately, is the number two.

You see, two is the number that governs our universe. More specifically, two possibilities: On, or Off. One, or Zero.

I've often thought it fitting that the computer, the tool and shape of the future, is a binary device. After all, humans are a binary species, both mentally and physiologically.

There are, after all, two genders, two arms, two legs, two ears, two lungs, two eyes; everything we possess, we possess in duplicate: equal, mirrored, and opposite. And what is more, we think in binary: There are always two sides to every coin, two sides to every conflict. Good and Evil, Right and Wrong, Light and Dark.

It all happens in twos.

And so here is the quirk I was mentioning: We think in twos, we live in twos, we are, in fact, composed of nothing but twos. So why do we write in threes?

I mean, you need look no further than this post to see numerous examples of triplets in writing. "Think in twos, live in twos, are, in fact, twos." "Good and Evil, Right and Wrong, Light and Dark." And I'm sure there are tons more: writing naturally falls into threes. Speech, as well, although this is especially true of those trained in rhetoric or acting. Listen to any successful politician talk: the concepts are in twos, but the words come in threes.

Want to know how to appear erudite and well-spoken? Talk in threes. Best advice I was ever given for job interviews (Well, other than "shower first"). Want to know how to make people listen as you build to a climax? Talk in threes. Want to know how to talk? Threes, threes, threes.

Yeah, you all see what I did there.

I don't know why it is, but damned if it doesn't work. We think in twos, but we talk in threes.

Weird, huh?

Chapter Three: Wherein Our Hero Does Discover the Universe, and All That It Contaims Within, There Being Sore Temptations and Terrible Perils Faced

I wrote this short piece of fiction a while back, on a whim, and have been told variously that it is "the best thing anyone has ever written, ever," that it is "confusing and poorly worded," and that it is "kinda funny, I guess." I'm still working on the decision of whether or not to include creative writing (As opposed to my normal lack of originality, I suppose) in the entries of this blog - so consider this to be a test, of sorts. Tell me what you think.

Divine Plan

I have heard that a belief in evolution used to be practically synonymous with atheism. To me, this seems unthinkable. Now that the first galactic survey has been completed, it is precisely the opposite: the world no longer has to choose between God and reality. We understand - I have always understood - that the two are inseparable.

When the first of the survey ships pulled itself away from the ring of satellites and factories endlessly turning in the upper reaches of Earth's orbit, we had no idea what we would find. We hoped for life, of course: some cousins among the stars to share our triumphs and our failures. But as I and the other pilots landed on world after world after world, what we would find became all too clear.

In our galaxy there are seven hundred and sixteen thousand, eight hundred and ninety-two planets capable of supporting life, and every last one of them does. A shocking discovery, of course, but not an eventuality we were unprepared to face. It was the manner of life they supported that took us by surprise.

Darwin's theory of evolution was originally posited to explain diversity, or so I have been told. But now, we have a much better understanding of the universe than poor Darwin, and we know that diversity - true diversity - is a myth. Seven hundred thousand worlds, and each and every one of them is indistinguishable from Earth - or at least, from Earth in the rough era of the late Cretacious.

At first, the dinosaurs were exhilarating. After all, many children choose early in their lives between careers in space travel or paleontology. Just because I am doing one doesn't mean I don't have a soft spot for the other. Or at least had. You see, after a while, the monotony of worlds inhabited only by thunder lizards became almost too much to bear.

Those with less experience than I of the endless dinosaur worlds - or perhaps merely those whose faith is stronger than my own - have called this irrefutable evidence of God's divine plan for humanity. Why else, they ask, would ours be the only world to be different? The only world to be struck by that disaster, that blessing, that allowed intelligent life to arise?

My Lord - or no longer my Lord - if what I am about to say is false, forgive me. But while my belief in You is unchanged, my faith is sorely troubled.

Seven hundred thousand worlds, and only one of them is different. Seven hundred thousand worlds, and only one of them was changed, by a disaster, an accident of space and time. I see no evidence of God's divine plan for humanity in this.

After all, I've walked on those worlds. I've stared Creation in the mouth. Stared God in the mouth.

It was full of teeth.

Etarran Knows How to Get the Ladies

There once was a blogger whose name
Was Etarran (or so he would claim)
His readers said "Serious?!
Fool! You're delerious
If you think that's the name of the game!"

Etarran said "Readers, for shame!
If you think wholly sombre my aim
You are quite mistaken."
(In truth, he was shaken
To hear they believed him so tame.)

In defense of my honour and pride,
I go back to the sillier side
Of my writings and rambles,
My journeys and ambles,
Through English's wildest ride.

I'm sure every one of you knows
Of the essay, and all that it shows
Of mankind's erudition:
The way we partition
Our words into columns and rows.

But I practice a form far superior
Though of usually humerous interior
Nevertheless
It is easy to press
To possession of motives ulterior.

The limerick, thus, is the form
Which I use today to inform
Of a shift in intention
Within the dimension
Encompassed within this transform.

This isn't to say there comes change
To the pages within which I range
But simply to state
Without room for debate
"Sometimes I can simply be strange."

I know many would read this for pleasure
But the subjects are heavy for leasure
So just this, in closure:
I'll limit exposure
To my overly serious measure.

And I hope this begins to appease
Those who found me too ranting for ease
And so: comments! Concerns!
Rebuttals! Returns!
But... only in limericks, please.

Game Over (Alternative Title Rejected)

Originally, I had of course entitled this post Game Enders. Then I decided I didn't actually hate the universe that much.

So, ever since I dropped my tantalizing teaser a few posts ago, Loud has been agitating to hear in what way he is toxic to gaming culture. Furthermore, I need to get this rant written down before I get stabbed in the face for repeating it too often.

I spend a lot of time gaming. All kinds of games: collectible card games, board games, tabletop miniatures games, computer games, pen-and-paper roleplaying games - all the way to the more traditional poker and chess. And in doing so, it is inevitable that I have come into contact with an enormous number of gamers.

And oh, man, are we ever dumb.

I suppose you could call us a subculture, but that isn't really what we are. "Subculture" carries the implication of wanting to keep the number of people like you to a minimum, so you can continue to sneer at the mainstream and feel smugly superior for listening to a certain kind of music or wearing a specific type of clothing. Certainly subcultures will tout the benefits of belonging, but what it's really about, for them, is being different.

Not so with gamers - or at least, those who care about gaming as a hobby. What it's really about, for us, is playing games. And you know what? The more people who play them, the easier it is to find an opponent.

Now, there are certainly people for whom gaming is anathema, people who will never sit down and play a game because, for them, it just isn't fun. But I believe that there are many, many fewer of these than you may think. Most people, I suspect, can be persuaded to pick up a game, and, if you do it right, will even have a blast and want to come back for more.

So that begs the question, then: why aren't there more gamers? If lots of people would enjoy playing games, then how come more don't?

The answer? Well, it's our fault. We drive them away.

You see, hobbies in general, and gaming in particular, tend to attract people who are very... focused. Competitive. Obsessive. Insufferable?

We don't discourage new players by not wanting them to play, we discourage them by being incredibly competitive when they try. We crush them, using all the tricks at our disposal, and then we gloat. The technical term, I believe, is "pwning n00bs." And you know what? It's just not cool. Nothing discourages people from taking up any activity more than learning that the people who engage in it are, for lack of a better term, total grade A dickwads.

Even when we're not doing that, we find other ways to drive people off. Have you ever had Monty Python quoted at you until you can't imagine ever watching the damn thing? If you haven't, chances are pretty good you're one of the people doing the quoting. Hang on, guys. A lot of gamers are brilliant people, but John Cleese, we ain't. If you want people to like something, tell them to try it. Tell them what you like about it.

Tell them once.

Nothing ruins something faster than hearing about it all the time, over and over and over and over again. I'm afraid the internet has ruined Portal's "Still Alive." Remember: we liked these things for a reason, and that reason has a lot to do with what they are, and not a whole lot to do with our rendition of them. Games are fun. A lot of games are awesome. If people try them, a lot of them will like them. So maybe we should try not to discourage them.

We're gamers. We do something that is challenging, rewarding, and, above all, a ton of fun. And yet, somehow, people look down on that.

It's not the games, guys. It's us.

- Etarran. (Who wishes he could still play Portal.)

These Were Our Triumphs

I've been given some flak recently about my facetious response to my own question as to what the single greatest moment in human history was. (Although, to be honest, I'd prefer it if y'all made comments on my posts in the comments section of the post, so that I can reference the comment if I want to make a reply.) Apparently, something that hasn't happened yet is not a valid choice for the greatest of mankind's triumphs (Although I'll note that everyone else who answered this question cheated as well.)

I think the lack of real answers to this question is indicative of the disaffection of our culture. Especially among the liberal and the young, there is nothing more chic than being down on the West, and on humanity in general. And, to be fair, we have screwed a lot up. But still, I think we spend too much time focusing on what we've done wrong, and not enough time focusing on the things we got right. There are two reasons to study history: to avoid the tragedies of the past, and to emulate their triumphs. Though we often accomplish neither, maybe if we thought about each more often, we could manage both.

Regardless, I thought to redress my flippancy, and so here I will share with you the ten pieces of human history that I consider to be the greatest things we have ever accomplished.

The War to End the World

The Cold War opens the festivities.

"What?" You are saying. "How can that possibly be a triumph?" Well, you're here to ask that question, is the thing. Somehow, reason and rationality prevailed over the hatred and terror of the time, and the incredible destructive power at our disposal was not unleashed. Well, yet, at least.

The Dwarf Wheat

In The Population Bomb, in 1968, Paul Ehrlich said "The battle to feed all of humanity is over.... In the 1970s and 1980s, hundreds of millions of people will starve to death.... India couldn't possibly feed two hundred million more people by 1980."* And he was right. Only, not completely right. We still have famine, we still have massive, widespread hunger, but thanks to one strain of wheat, a billion people are alive today who would be dead.

The Printing Press

I chose the printing press over the invention of written language for a single reason: power. No other invention in human history has done so much to put power in the hands of the masses rather than the few who ruled them. Free flow of information, as I am so fond of quoting, is the only safeguard against tyranny.**

Viricide

It may come as something of a surprise that the most deadly disease known to man is not AIDS or Malaria or Anthrax, but something that no longer troubles us. In 1980, The WHO issued a resolution which began with the following sentence: "[The World Health Organization] declares solemnly that the world and its peoples have won freedom from smallpox, which was a most devastating disease sweeping in epidemic form through many countries since earliest time, leaving death, blindness and disfigurement in its wake, and which only a decade ago was rampant in Africa, Asia, and South America."*** The eradication of smallpox has been called the single greatest undertaking of the human race, and the hundreds of millions of lives saved from death or ruination are testament to our triumph over the disease.

And All the Beasts of the Land Shall Serve Him

The domestication of animals, whether for food or labour, is one of the greatest steps forward we have ever made. Humans are not personally well-adapted for many tasks, but there is one thing we excel at, and that is finding the right tool for the job at hand. Harnessing the strength of animals has paved the way for all the rest of human progress.

And All the Plants of the Earth Shall Be His Right

Endless history classes will go over again and again how the development of agriculture was a turning point for human civilization. Many of them will even mention that, without it, human civilization could not exist at all. Agriculture means surpluses, and surpluses mean specialization. Without farming, there could be no cities (As those obnoxious stickers will happily point out to you), no rulers, no religion, no science, no industry. Nothing at all, in fact.

Not to Live in the Cradle Forever

(Rejected subtitle: "The World is Not Enough")

On October 4, 1957, the Soviet Union launched the first artificial satellite into Earth's Orbit. The 22 days of Sputnik One's radio transmission was the first time humanity was able to touch the world outside the world, and begin to truly learn some of the secrets of the universe we find ourselves in. Perhaps no other event has unlocked so many fields of exploration and endeavour - If only we made use of them.

The Spider 'Cross the World

Ah, the internet. Cesspool of hatred, intolerance, and stupidity, and yet the last remaining bastion of true freedom and unfettered thought. Nearly the complete sum total of human knowledge available at the tap of a few keys, and a thousand times its weight in ignorance ready to rush out of your screen. The internet is the logical conclusion of the process begun a thousand years ago by Chinese leadsmiths whose names are lost to history: information in the hands of the people, to do with as they will. That mostly what they do with it is ejaculate is a fault of humanity, not of the monument to human ingenuity that makes it all possible.

Awakened By A Dream of Equals

This one is sort of cheating, because I'm wrapping into it all the great revolutions of equality that the world has seen in the last three or four hundred years. The Women's Rights movement, the end of Apartheid, the desegregation of our schools, the Emancipation Proclamation, the destruction of the rotten burroughs, all the leaps and bounds towards human peace and equality that have been taken by people finally brave enough to stand up and say "No." We have a long, long way to go, to be sure. But we're winning. And, slowly but surely, hatred is losing.

Forcibly to Bind a Brother God

For the last one, I'm going to have to agree with Isabella, and speak out for the harnessing of fire. Not only for the potential for discovery and greatness, nor for the unfettered reign of power it gives us over the world, nor even for the symbolic and psychological grip it holds on our culture, but for this simple fact, as proposed by Arthur C. Clarke: If the termites had invented fire, who would be Earth's masters then?

The most surprising thing to me while writing this list (I had decided on maybe three entries before I began) was how many of the events are from the last hundred years. Partly that is historical perspective - after all, I'm more likely to think of something if it is ingrained in our collective consciousness - but partly it is due to the rapidly increasing rate of technological and scientific discovery. What gives us the power to work immense, terrible acts of evil also allows us to perform profound and wonderful acts of greatness. Perhaps the tragedies of the twentieth century outweigh its triumphs, but those triumphs are certainly there, and are no less incredible for all the failures of our species.

So, that's my take on human history. What do you think?

*See Wikipedia: "Norman Borlaug"
** Full quote from Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri: "'As the Americans learned so painfully in Earth's final century, free flow of information is the only safeguard against tyranny. The once-chained people whose leaders at last lose their grip on information flow will soon burst with freedom and vitality, but the free nation gradually constricting its grip on public discourse has begun its rapid slide into despotism. Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master.' - Commissioner Previn Lal, "UN Declaration of Rights.""
***See Wikipedia: "Smallpox"

In Thunder, Lightning, and Terrible Trumpet Sound

While driving through the downtown core of the nation's capital this afternoon, a message scribbled on the glass plate of a newspaper stand caught my eye. It said, simply: "Our parents have failed us. Anarchist meeting July 15."

Now, while I think anarchy is usually pretty silly, and not practiced by people who seriously believe in it (if, indeed, such people do exist), their premise was an interesting one. As the newest generation, beginning to ready ourselves to take our place as the driving force of the world, that is a question we should probably know the answer to. Have our parents failed us?

A lot of history seems to point to yes. Our grandparents and great-grandparents gave us the end of the world, and put the trigger in our hands. Our parents are trying to drown us in black gold. Can we really overcome their failures?

In their favour, on the other hand, is that, for the first time in human history, we have some understanding of what we are doing wrong. We know the world is dying. We know we're the ones killing it. Maybe that knowledge is enough to save it?

I don't have an answer for this one. I suppose we'll just have to wait and see. And, maybe, do what we can to tilt the balance in our parents' favour. After all, they held the trigger on Armageddon too.

This begs a further question, though. What will be our legacy? When our children scrawl our failure on the streets, what will they lament? Will we at last fall off the delicate razor of ecological disruption, catapulting the earth and its people into storms, extinction, and a slow, cancerous degeneration? Or perhaps it will be the reckless transhumanism of cybernetics and genetic engineering that will throw our culture into the brutal worlds of Wintermute and Raven? Or perhaps it will be the nihilistic self-obsession of the computerized world that will render human life meaningless and obsolete?

Or maybe we just won't take our antibiotics, and smallpox will do it for us.

More likely, though, we will continue to just skirt the boundary of disaster, as indeed humanity has always done throughout its existence. Much as it might sometimes seem like it, I don't really believe the end of the world is coming. Surely there can be a Norman Borlaug for oil as well as wheat? We may be monumentally stupid in some ways, but humans are pretty good at surviving, on the whole. We'll figure something out.

I'd love to know what, though.