This Essay Gets a C Minor

Is it wrong of me to find this video philosophically fascinating? It is, isn't it?

In all seriousness (By which I, naturally, mean "more than a little tongue in cheek"), though, I wanted to change tack a bit with this post and discuss something I don't talk about terribly often: music.

This comic, from back before XKCD jumped the shark (Yeah, I said it. More on webcomics in a future post. Await with anticipation!) illustrates perfectly my feelings on the matter. We suck, guys. We really do.

This is not to say that there aren't artists, that we don't produce excellent music, or even that some of it isn't popular. But good music and great music are two different things. When you listen to Bach or Beethoven or Mozart, you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is great music, that this is art which transcends everything that came before it and will be the bar to which all after it must be held. And the same, I will contend, is true of art from the musical revolution that preceded my generation. There is a sense of greatness, of achievement, of some kind of transcendental musical experience, that you get when listening to Queen or the Beatles or Led Zeppelin. Whether or not you like their music, there is a quality of greatness which must come through.

I'm going to go on the record here with an address to future musical historians:

Dear Future Musical Historians,

When you decide that the 1960s, 70s, and early 80s were a period of musical rennaissance which rivaled that of the late 16th and early 17th centuries, please remember that I totally called it.

Love, Etarran.

PS. I agree, Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" is totally awesome.

It is telling, I think, that university campuses, supposedly bastions of cultural revolution, primarily have the sounds of forty-year-old music drifting from students' rooms. Not even the generation making modern music thinks it's better than our parents' music.

Perhaps it is too much to expect. After all, a great cultural revolution can come along only once in a very great while. And we do, of course, have our cultural successes. But even those, which are primarily internet-related, are based on technologies and cultures that fundamentally belong to the generation before. And I can't help but think that, in an era of unprecedented cultural freedom and diversity and intercommunication, surely we should be coming up with something better than webcomics and the Rickroll.

Perhaps art simply isn't our destiny. After all, we have more practical problems to deal with. Our parents may have produced excellent music, but they also produced a hell of a lot of carbon dioxide and enriched uranium. But surely we could save the world and rock out?

Get on that, will you?

PS. I was totally serious about Hot n' Cold being philosophically fascinating. I invite you to contemplate its symbolism, which is surpassed, perhaps, only by this video.

Game Over (Alternative Title Rejected)

Originally, I had of course entitled this post Game Enders. Then I decided I didn't actually hate the universe that much.

So, ever since I dropped my tantalizing teaser a few posts ago, Loud has been agitating to hear in what way he is toxic to gaming culture. Furthermore, I need to get this rant written down before I get stabbed in the face for repeating it too often.

I spend a lot of time gaming. All kinds of games: collectible card games, board games, tabletop miniatures games, computer games, pen-and-paper roleplaying games - all the way to the more traditional poker and chess. And in doing so, it is inevitable that I have come into contact with an enormous number of gamers.

And oh, man, are we ever dumb.

I suppose you could call us a subculture, but that isn't really what we are. "Subculture" carries the implication of wanting to keep the number of people like you to a minimum, so you can continue to sneer at the mainstream and feel smugly superior for listening to a certain kind of music or wearing a specific type of clothing. Certainly subcultures will tout the benefits of belonging, but what it's really about, for them, is being different.

Not so with gamers - or at least, those who care about gaming as a hobby. What it's really about, for us, is playing games. And you know what? The more people who play them, the easier it is to find an opponent.

Now, there are certainly people for whom gaming is anathema, people who will never sit down and play a game because, for them, it just isn't fun. But I believe that there are many, many fewer of these than you may think. Most people, I suspect, can be persuaded to pick up a game, and, if you do it right, will even have a blast and want to come back for more.

So that begs the question, then: why aren't there more gamers? If lots of people would enjoy playing games, then how come more don't?

The answer? Well, it's our fault. We drive them away.

You see, hobbies in general, and gaming in particular, tend to attract people who are very... focused. Competitive. Obsessive. Insufferable?

We don't discourage new players by not wanting them to play, we discourage them by being incredibly competitive when they try. We crush them, using all the tricks at our disposal, and then we gloat. The technical term, I believe, is "pwning n00bs." And you know what? It's just not cool. Nothing discourages people from taking up any activity more than learning that the people who engage in it are, for lack of a better term, total grade A dickwads.

Even when we're not doing that, we find other ways to drive people off. Have you ever had Monty Python quoted at you until you can't imagine ever watching the damn thing? If you haven't, chances are pretty good you're one of the people doing the quoting. Hang on, guys. A lot of gamers are brilliant people, but John Cleese, we ain't. If you want people to like something, tell them to try it. Tell them what you like about it.

Tell them once.

Nothing ruins something faster than hearing about it all the time, over and over and over and over again. I'm afraid the internet has ruined Portal's "Still Alive." Remember: we liked these things for a reason, and that reason has a lot to do with what they are, and not a whole lot to do with our rendition of them. Games are fun. A lot of games are awesome. If people try them, a lot of them will like them. So maybe we should try not to discourage them.

We're gamers. We do something that is challenging, rewarding, and, above all, a ton of fun. And yet, somehow, people look down on that.

It's not the games, guys. It's us.

- Etarran. (Who wishes he could still play Portal.)

These Were Our Triumphs

I've been given some flak recently about my facetious response to my own question as to what the single greatest moment in human history was. (Although, to be honest, I'd prefer it if y'all made comments on my posts in the comments section of the post, so that I can reference the comment if I want to make a reply.) Apparently, something that hasn't happened yet is not a valid choice for the greatest of mankind's triumphs (Although I'll note that everyone else who answered this question cheated as well.)

I think the lack of real answers to this question is indicative of the disaffection of our culture. Especially among the liberal and the young, there is nothing more chic than being down on the West, and on humanity in general. And, to be fair, we have screwed a lot up. But still, I think we spend too much time focusing on what we've done wrong, and not enough time focusing on the things we got right. There are two reasons to study history: to avoid the tragedies of the past, and to emulate their triumphs. Though we often accomplish neither, maybe if we thought about each more often, we could manage both.

Regardless, I thought to redress my flippancy, and so here I will share with you the ten pieces of human history that I consider to be the greatest things we have ever accomplished.

The War to End the World

The Cold War opens the festivities.

"What?" You are saying. "How can that possibly be a triumph?" Well, you're here to ask that question, is the thing. Somehow, reason and rationality prevailed over the hatred and terror of the time, and the incredible destructive power at our disposal was not unleashed. Well, yet, at least.

The Dwarf Wheat

In The Population Bomb, in 1968, Paul Ehrlich said "The battle to feed all of humanity is over.... In the 1970s and 1980s, hundreds of millions of people will starve to death.... India couldn't possibly feed two hundred million more people by 1980."* And he was right. Only, not completely right. We still have famine, we still have massive, widespread hunger, but thanks to one strain of wheat, a billion people are alive today who would be dead.

The Printing Press

I chose the printing press over the invention of written language for a single reason: power. No other invention in human history has done so much to put power in the hands of the masses rather than the few who ruled them. Free flow of information, as I am so fond of quoting, is the only safeguard against tyranny.**

Viricide

It may come as something of a surprise that the most deadly disease known to man is not AIDS or Malaria or Anthrax, but something that no longer troubles us. In 1980, The WHO issued a resolution which began with the following sentence: "[The World Health Organization] declares solemnly that the world and its peoples have won freedom from smallpox, which was a most devastating disease sweeping in epidemic form through many countries since earliest time, leaving death, blindness and disfigurement in its wake, and which only a decade ago was rampant in Africa, Asia, and South America."*** The eradication of smallpox has been called the single greatest undertaking of the human race, and the hundreds of millions of lives saved from death or ruination are testament to our triumph over the disease.

And All the Beasts of the Land Shall Serve Him

The domestication of animals, whether for food or labour, is one of the greatest steps forward we have ever made. Humans are not personally well-adapted for many tasks, but there is one thing we excel at, and that is finding the right tool for the job at hand. Harnessing the strength of animals has paved the way for all the rest of human progress.

And All the Plants of the Earth Shall Be His Right

Endless history classes will go over again and again how the development of agriculture was a turning point for human civilization. Many of them will even mention that, without it, human civilization could not exist at all. Agriculture means surpluses, and surpluses mean specialization. Without farming, there could be no cities (As those obnoxious stickers will happily point out to you), no rulers, no religion, no science, no industry. Nothing at all, in fact.

Not to Live in the Cradle Forever

(Rejected subtitle: "The World is Not Enough")

On October 4, 1957, the Soviet Union launched the first artificial satellite into Earth's Orbit. The 22 days of Sputnik One's radio transmission was the first time humanity was able to touch the world outside the world, and begin to truly learn some of the secrets of the universe we find ourselves in. Perhaps no other event has unlocked so many fields of exploration and endeavour - If only we made use of them.

The Spider 'Cross the World

Ah, the internet. Cesspool of hatred, intolerance, and stupidity, and yet the last remaining bastion of true freedom and unfettered thought. Nearly the complete sum total of human knowledge available at the tap of a few keys, and a thousand times its weight in ignorance ready to rush out of your screen. The internet is the logical conclusion of the process begun a thousand years ago by Chinese leadsmiths whose names are lost to history: information in the hands of the people, to do with as they will. That mostly what they do with it is ejaculate is a fault of humanity, not of the monument to human ingenuity that makes it all possible.

Awakened By A Dream of Equals

This one is sort of cheating, because I'm wrapping into it all the great revolutions of equality that the world has seen in the last three or four hundred years. The Women's Rights movement, the end of Apartheid, the desegregation of our schools, the Emancipation Proclamation, the destruction of the rotten burroughs, all the leaps and bounds towards human peace and equality that have been taken by people finally brave enough to stand up and say "No." We have a long, long way to go, to be sure. But we're winning. And, slowly but surely, hatred is losing.

Forcibly to Bind a Brother God

For the last one, I'm going to have to agree with Isabella, and speak out for the harnessing of fire. Not only for the potential for discovery and greatness, nor for the unfettered reign of power it gives us over the world, nor even for the symbolic and psychological grip it holds on our culture, but for this simple fact, as proposed by Arthur C. Clarke: If the termites had invented fire, who would be Earth's masters then?

The most surprising thing to me while writing this list (I had decided on maybe three entries before I began) was how many of the events are from the last hundred years. Partly that is historical perspective - after all, I'm more likely to think of something if it is ingrained in our collective consciousness - but partly it is due to the rapidly increasing rate of technological and scientific discovery. What gives us the power to work immense, terrible acts of evil also allows us to perform profound and wonderful acts of greatness. Perhaps the tragedies of the twentieth century outweigh its triumphs, but those triumphs are certainly there, and are no less incredible for all the failures of our species.

So, that's my take on human history. What do you think?

*See Wikipedia: "Norman Borlaug"
** Full quote from Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri: "'As the Americans learned so painfully in Earth's final century, free flow of information is the only safeguard against tyranny. The once-chained people whose leaders at last lose their grip on information flow will soon burst with freedom and vitality, but the free nation gradually constricting its grip on public discourse has begun its rapid slide into despotism. Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master.' - Commissioner Previn Lal, "UN Declaration of Rights.""
***See Wikipedia: "Smallpox"

Politics, Philosophy, or Philolotics?

One of the most common (and most baffling) phenomena of the internet is the constant stream of polls and surveys we are subjected to. The amount of time people spend reading them and filling them out is simply staggering.

So, naturally, I had to get in on the action.

I've written a list of questions which may be slightly different from the usual fare of the internet quiz. Not all of them really have answers, but hopefully most of them make you do a double take, or at least think about the answers for a moment.

So, too, I have tried to steer away from the obvious and well-worn philosophical questions and instead present you with a list which I imagine is much more characteristic of my own branch of philosophical and political thought.

In no particular order:

1. How much would you pay to see a dragon?
2. How much would you pay to eat dragon meat?
3. Would you switch genders for a day?
4. If offered the chance, would you become a vampire?
------- b. How about a werewolf?
------- c. A merfolk?
------- d. A selkie?
------- e. Are there other mythical creatures you would be willing to become?
5. If God offered to trade places with you, would you do it?
6. If you were given the chance to be one of the colonists on humanity's first extraplanetary colony - knowing that it would mean never seeing Earth again - would you accept?
7. If a magical, religious, or technological artifact of immeasurable power was discovered - for example, the Holy Grail, the One Ring, or the Monolith of the Watcher - should we try to harness that power, or is it best to leave such things alone?
8. If the dinosaur-cloning pseudoscience from Jurassic Park would work, should we do it?
9. Do you believe in the existence of sentient alien life forms?
------- b. Is your answer a good thing?
10. If you could have robotic limbs that were indistinguishable from the real thing in all ways - including feeling - except stronger, more resilient, more precise, and faster, would you be signing up for the replacement?
11. If you had to point to a single act or moment of history, and say "This is, absolutely, the worst thing humanity as a species has ever done," what act or moment would you choose?
12. If you had to point to a single act or moment of history, and say "This is, absolutely, the best thing humanity as a species has ever done," what act or moment would you choose?
13. Is there a limit to knowledge? Is there a finite amount of stuff that can be known?
------- b. If so, how long will it take us to get there?
------- c. If not, is acquiring new knowledge a fruitless endeavour?
14. What are you actually doing right now?
15. Did you answer all the questions truthfully?
------- b. Is it possible to answer a question truthfully?

So, I hope those questions were interesting, bizarre, and thought-provoking, and I look forward to seeing what you all have to say by way of answers.

Also, if you haven't already, have a look at the comments on the previous post. I'm not sure how happy I am with the post itself, to be honest, but oh man, am I ever happy with the comments.

The Internet According to Etarran

So, I spend a lot of time on the internet (recently even more than usual) and as such, I consider myself to be something of an expert on it, insofar as such a ridiculous claim can possibly be true.

One of the main problems with the internet is its anonymity: it is far too easy to forget that the people you are interacting with are, in fact, real people, and as such, deserve to be accorded at least a modicum of respect. Exacerbating this is the fact that there can be no real consequences for misbehaviour; no matter how terrible you act, the internet will protect you behind its screen of faceless text.

And so, being the polite and kindly person that I am, I thought I would present my own personal version of internet etiquette. I'm curious, in fact, as to whether you will agree with the rules I have worked out for myself.

So, without further ado, here it is: The Internet According to Etarran.

General Rules

1. Real Names Are For No. The internet is a scary place: it brings you in contact with the best and worst of humanity, and sometimes, that makes it very dangerous. There is a reason the internet-safety courses (stupid as they are) stress keeping your personal information offline: you never know who will end up finding it.

2. Real Life Is For No. This is, if anything, more important than the first. It's not only that someone may find your emotion-wracked diatribe and in some way use it against you, it's that the people it is about will undoubtedly read it. The most insidious quality of text-based communication is that it makes you much, much ruder than you are. Even the most innocent of things can lead to terrible misunderstandings, and so keeping the less-innocent things clear of The Great Big Truck is paramount. (There are cases where this rule is okay to break. Under no circumstances can this one and number one be broken at the same time.)

3. Language Is Your Friend. After all, one of the main dangers of the internet is miscommunication. It takes less than a second to read and edit what you've written before you send or post it. Try it. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation: the better yours is, the more people will listen to you.

4. Do Not Get Involved. Do you want to be this person? The internet is sometimes so shocking, so horrible, that you feel you have to reach out and stop it. Racism, Religious fanatics, Anti-religious fanatics, hatred, ignorance, and everything else you can possibly imagine: all of these are everywhere in the nihilistic soupy froth of human failure and brilliance that we pipe into our eyes (Often all in the same YouTube comment). Sometimes someone is so wrong, you just want to stop them. Resist the temptation! It will only end in tears.

These four rules are pretty much what guides my internet usage, insofar as I am able to conform to them. Am I missing anything? Am I dead wrong? Tell me.

Another thing I find is that people often mistake the level of formality of the internet medium they are using. And so, a handy list:

1. Blog posts. A blog is not a blackboard, where the posts are erased as soon as they're written. These are your thoughts. You should try to do them justice. (Okay, frequently guilty).

2. Email. Email is slightly less formal than a hard copy letter, but it is not a chat message. Remember, the people receiving your email will have it forever. If that doesn't scare you, it should.

3. Forum Posts. Forum posts and email are actually equal in formality. While a forum post doesn't stick around forever, it still exists for about three or four years, and in the time it is online, a lot more people see it than do an email. As such, think about what you write, don't be a jerk, and everything will be fine.

4. Facebook and other single-thread message boards. These aren't quite fora, but they aren't quite not, and so are difficult to classify. Still, the easy rule to apply is "How long will people see it?" Since the answer is "It could easily be a year or so." I would exercise a certain amount of caution. Note that private messages in these media (And on fora), are the same as email.

5. MSN, IRC, and other chat clients. You should still spell properly, but what you say will be gone in five minutes, so it doesn't matter as much how it looks. Just don't be fooled into thinking it's a real conversation.

6. In-game text and voice chat. spd + style -. MEDIC!

So, that ends The Internet According to Etarran. Do you agree? Disagree? Hate me? Sound off!