Game Over (Alternative Title Rejected)

Originally, I had of course entitled this post Game Enders. Then I decided I didn't actually hate the universe that much.

So, ever since I dropped my tantalizing teaser a few posts ago, Loud has been agitating to hear in what way he is toxic to gaming culture. Furthermore, I need to get this rant written down before I get stabbed in the face for repeating it too often.

I spend a lot of time gaming. All kinds of games: collectible card games, board games, tabletop miniatures games, computer games, pen-and-paper roleplaying games - all the way to the more traditional poker and chess. And in doing so, it is inevitable that I have come into contact with an enormous number of gamers.

And oh, man, are we ever dumb.

I suppose you could call us a subculture, but that isn't really what we are. "Subculture" carries the implication of wanting to keep the number of people like you to a minimum, so you can continue to sneer at the mainstream and feel smugly superior for listening to a certain kind of music or wearing a specific type of clothing. Certainly subcultures will tout the benefits of belonging, but what it's really about, for them, is being different.

Not so with gamers - or at least, those who care about gaming as a hobby. What it's really about, for us, is playing games. And you know what? The more people who play them, the easier it is to find an opponent.

Now, there are certainly people for whom gaming is anathema, people who will never sit down and play a game because, for them, it just isn't fun. But I believe that there are many, many fewer of these than you may think. Most people, I suspect, can be persuaded to pick up a game, and, if you do it right, will even have a blast and want to come back for more.

So that begs the question, then: why aren't there more gamers? If lots of people would enjoy playing games, then how come more don't?

The answer? Well, it's our fault. We drive them away.

You see, hobbies in general, and gaming in particular, tend to attract people who are very... focused. Competitive. Obsessive. Insufferable?

We don't discourage new players by not wanting them to play, we discourage them by being incredibly competitive when they try. We crush them, using all the tricks at our disposal, and then we gloat. The technical term, I believe, is "pwning n00bs." And you know what? It's just not cool. Nothing discourages people from taking up any activity more than learning that the people who engage in it are, for lack of a better term, total grade A dickwads.

Even when we're not doing that, we find other ways to drive people off. Have you ever had Monty Python quoted at you until you can't imagine ever watching the damn thing? If you haven't, chances are pretty good you're one of the people doing the quoting. Hang on, guys. A lot of gamers are brilliant people, but John Cleese, we ain't. If you want people to like something, tell them to try it. Tell them what you like about it.

Tell them once.

Nothing ruins something faster than hearing about it all the time, over and over and over and over again. I'm afraid the internet has ruined Portal's "Still Alive." Remember: we liked these things for a reason, and that reason has a lot to do with what they are, and not a whole lot to do with our rendition of them. Games are fun. A lot of games are awesome. If people try them, a lot of them will like them. So maybe we should try not to discourage them.

We're gamers. We do something that is challenging, rewarding, and, above all, a ton of fun. And yet, somehow, people look down on that.

It's not the games, guys. It's us.

- Etarran. (Who wishes he could still play Portal.)

The Internet According to Etarran

So, I spend a lot of time on the internet (recently even more than usual) and as such, I consider myself to be something of an expert on it, insofar as such a ridiculous claim can possibly be true.

One of the main problems with the internet is its anonymity: it is far too easy to forget that the people you are interacting with are, in fact, real people, and as such, deserve to be accorded at least a modicum of respect. Exacerbating this is the fact that there can be no real consequences for misbehaviour; no matter how terrible you act, the internet will protect you behind its screen of faceless text.

And so, being the polite and kindly person that I am, I thought I would present my own personal version of internet etiquette. I'm curious, in fact, as to whether you will agree with the rules I have worked out for myself.

So, without further ado, here it is: The Internet According to Etarran.

General Rules

1. Real Names Are For No. The internet is a scary place: it brings you in contact with the best and worst of humanity, and sometimes, that makes it very dangerous. There is a reason the internet-safety courses (stupid as they are) stress keeping your personal information offline: you never know who will end up finding it.

2. Real Life Is For No. This is, if anything, more important than the first. It's not only that someone may find your emotion-wracked diatribe and in some way use it against you, it's that the people it is about will undoubtedly read it. The most insidious quality of text-based communication is that it makes you much, much ruder than you are. Even the most innocent of things can lead to terrible misunderstandings, and so keeping the less-innocent things clear of The Great Big Truck is paramount. (There are cases where this rule is okay to break. Under no circumstances can this one and number one be broken at the same time.)

3. Language Is Your Friend. After all, one of the main dangers of the internet is miscommunication. It takes less than a second to read and edit what you've written before you send or post it. Try it. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation: the better yours is, the more people will listen to you.

4. Do Not Get Involved. Do you want to be this person? The internet is sometimes so shocking, so horrible, that you feel you have to reach out and stop it. Racism, Religious fanatics, Anti-religious fanatics, hatred, ignorance, and everything else you can possibly imagine: all of these are everywhere in the nihilistic soupy froth of human failure and brilliance that we pipe into our eyes (Often all in the same YouTube comment). Sometimes someone is so wrong, you just want to stop them. Resist the temptation! It will only end in tears.

These four rules are pretty much what guides my internet usage, insofar as I am able to conform to them. Am I missing anything? Am I dead wrong? Tell me.

Another thing I find is that people often mistake the level of formality of the internet medium they are using. And so, a handy list:

1. Blog posts. A blog is not a blackboard, where the posts are erased as soon as they're written. These are your thoughts. You should try to do them justice. (Okay, frequently guilty).

2. Email. Email is slightly less formal than a hard copy letter, but it is not a chat message. Remember, the people receiving your email will have it forever. If that doesn't scare you, it should.

3. Forum Posts. Forum posts and email are actually equal in formality. While a forum post doesn't stick around forever, it still exists for about three or four years, and in the time it is online, a lot more people see it than do an email. As such, think about what you write, don't be a jerk, and everything will be fine.

4. Facebook and other single-thread message boards. These aren't quite fora, but they aren't quite not, and so are difficult to classify. Still, the easy rule to apply is "How long will people see it?" Since the answer is "It could easily be a year or so." I would exercise a certain amount of caution. Note that private messages in these media (And on fora), are the same as email.

5. MSN, IRC, and other chat clients. You should still spell properly, but what you say will be gone in five minutes, so it doesn't matter as much how it looks. Just don't be fooled into thinking it's a real conversation.

6. In-game text and voice chat. spd + style -. MEDIC!

So, that ends The Internet According to Etarran. Do you agree? Disagree? Hate me? Sound off!

Life, the Universe, and Dinosaurs

The title of this post should be the mission statement of human existence.

A friend of mine, recently, said that he thought life was much more fun if you treated it as performance art. I can't help but agree. The thing about living in the top one percent of the world by wealth, as most, if not all, of the people able to afford the internet access required to read this blog do, is that we have removed ourselves from the struggles that really matter. Human beings are programmed to ascribe enormous importance to their everyday activities - after all, for so much of our history, not doing so could easily result in death.

And yet, adults - and, even more so, teenagers - are nevertheless wont to ascribe undue importance to the trivialities of their lives.

Though it may sound as though I am protesting the meaningless of life, and that all existence is futile, and whatever else is all too common on so-called profound internet publications, my point is precisely the opposite. We take things too seriously.

People will sometimes speak of an "inner child," the force that provides immaturity, silliness, and, I believe, the only medium through which we can achieve pure joy. Recently, we have become better at accessing it; Monty Python, for example, achieved humour simply through silliness, and the title of this post is another obvious reference.

The problem is that we refuse to admit that we are still as captivated with the cool and the silly as we were when we were six years old. Everyone loves dinosaurs. I honestly have yet to meet a person who turned down a chance to play with Lego. Oh, we try to hide it, feeling as though it is socially unacceptable to still be enamoured of giant robots or space-ships or a piece of pie. But nevertheless, everyone is.

This carries over into aspects of our daily lives, mostly through the realm of hobbies. People who can no longer play with toy soldiers take up video games, or table-top war games, or chess. People who can no longer happily spend an afternoon saving princesses and ruling kingdoms do it anyways, with dungeons and dragons. And people whose imaginations are cramped by their feelings of social intolerance can always, always, read a book. Everyone loves being silly. And it is a tragedy when people will not allow themselves to do so.

This may sound like a glorification of nerd culture, and to a certain extent it is. We did get a lot right, after all. But it's not just that kind of escapist activity that lets people channel their silliness into their lives. Whenever someone climbs a tree just because they feel like it, that's what I'm talking about. Whenever people play pickup hockey in the streets, that's what I'm talking about. And whenever anyone uses their imaginations, or goes against their inclinations, or does something just for the hell of it, that's what I'm talking about.

Also, Dinosaurs.